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Tuesday, February 27th, 2007
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Meggie Claus
Psych 101
February 27, 2007
Chapter 4: Dream Journal
Dream 1:
“SURFS UP!”
I had a dream about my friend Ariana and myself. We were laying on the sands of Naples, Italy. People were gathered around with their families, guzzling wine and rocking their babies in blue bonnets. We were all beautifully fit and dangling our legs over rocks we sat on. Ariana and I giggled over most anything and looked at eachother, smiling in agreement that this was the best day of our lives. Everyone sitting and laying on the sand all thought the sun was setting, but as we all studied the sky a little bit more, we realized that the “sun going down” was really just one massive wave rising slowly as we downed our wine. We ignored the signs of a possible tsunami, but as the wave crept to hundreds of feet in the sky, we knew that night was in fact falling and this wave was creeping it's way closer to us. The wave grew and grew and took hours to get closer and closer. God had sent us all a message within our heads, so when we looked at eachother, we all knew this was it- this was the end of the world. This wave would take hours to reach us and would wipe out not only our beautiful summer day, but the entire earth. It was going to wrap its waters around the entire earth and pull us under for good. Everyone on the beach wrapped their beach towels around them and froze as if they had been struck by Mount Vesuvius's hot ash. They knew there was no point in running, so they wrapped each other tightly and looked at the wave, finishing off their bottles of wine and chewing their last bits of unpasteurized cheese and crackers. i turned to Ariana and knew we had to run. She slipped on a torn sweatshirt and I asked her how much money she had on her. I took a baby in my arms because I felt I needed to save it as I grabbed Ariana by the wrist and told her we had to run. She asked me why and I told her that I thought that if we at least ran as far away from the shore, maybe we would in fact give ourselves a chance to survive. I asked her how much money she had on her. She pulled out a 20 dollar bill that was crumpled up and wet from sea water. I told her what we had to do and she agreed. "Ariana, we just need to run for as long as we possibly can. When we can't go any more, we need to find a cab and give him your twenty to see how far that will get us!" I held a crying baby in my arms and sobbed as I ran as hard as i could. She ran right beside me, barefoot and bare-legged. We ran towards the mainland but every time we looked to our right, the shore was still there with waves raising and curling and ready to pounce. We eventually found a cave that had been blown up and dripped cold water. We went inside and flagged down a cab to take us as far as we could go. The cab driver was just as a wreck as us. He took us as far as his cab would go, but he ran out of gas and told us we needed to get out. We turned to the sky and saw the wave was thousands of feet high and leaning over us with salty breath. The wave radiated musty heat and we looked at each other and finally folded in half, cried in each other's arms. We knew no cab ride or running strides could save us. (ALARM CLOCK)
Dream 2:
“Red Sweater”
I was getting ready for school in my best friend’s bedroom and I took her red sweater. She came in as I was changing, noticing her red sweater on my body. “Is that my red sweater?” she asked, sounding irritated. “Yeah,” I replied. “Uggggh!” she said as she rolled her eyes. (THE END)
Dream 3:
“Sex Dream”
I was in a cylindrical room with my boyfriend. I don’t recall how we ended up here but we didn’t have clothes. Actually, it took place in the future and it was very uncommon to find anyone who wore clothes. We were here in this room, naked with walls that were bright red and oozed like the insides of lava lamps. There were cushions all around the circumference of the room. We stood in the middle of the room and had sex. The sex was also futuristic. It was more like a message we had to send to eachother’s brains and hold each other close. If the signals and chemicals all fired correctly between our brains and we held each other close enough, the process of sex was complete and successful. The sex itself felt very robotic, but the connection between us was like liquid, intertwining our brains and arms into helixes and being brought together as one. We were tall and slender and never once spoke to each other because we shared words telepathically. (THE END)
Ariana, Ben, and I were on a huge ship. The ship had a large, wooden dance floor that extended hundreds of feet. Where the dance floor was also contained a bar. The bar had all the alcoholic drinks we could handle (and even the ones we couldn’t). My boyfriend Ben had just got back from Ohio—where he attended a funeral for his grandfather—and still remained somber and alienated from the rest of the world. He sat himself in a dimly lit corner where he drank rum and cokes, staying disconnected from the rest of the world. Ariana and I were flirting with the owner of the ship. He was an older man who was not afraid to flirt with girls would could easily pass for his grandchildren. He looked like a bald version of John Malkovich and always kept his mouth slightly ajar, which added a nice creeping feeling to him. Ben stared at me like a sombie—completely zoned out, but away of what I was doing. His gaze made me feel uncomfortable—as if I was doing something I should not have been doing—so I told Ariana to come with me to go socialize with Ben and to see if we could wake him from the dead. We went over there and the lights got brighter as soon as I smiled. My smile radiated everything in that dark corner. Ariana sidled up to Ben and started poking him and doing most anything to make him feel better. She whispered sweet nothings in his ear and I sat there across from them at a table, smiling to keep the lights lit. She began kissing him and he immediately lit up and came back to life. I remember the sensation that came over me. It was the happiest I had ever been to see him resurrected. I was happy that Ben had found something that brought him back to life—even if that something was not me. Ariana was just as happy as Ben and I could tell they were in love. I didn’t feel shifted and I didn’t feel replaced. There was no doubt in my mind that if two people made each other the most content they’d ever be, then there would be no reason to get upset over this. It was the most selfless I had ever been, and I remember keeping that smile on my face to illuminate the truth that was sitting across from me at a table that was so dark prior to this moment. I ignored the happenings around me. Nothing else mattered. I just wanted to see two people happier than they’d ever be. I didn’t even think to start considering that maybe I would hope to feel that one day too. The view was good enough for me.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
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AIM IM with Ariana <Olvidariana>.
12:56 AM
goodnight. dont' sleep with josh
not even cyber, meggie, i meant hat
he's trying to convince me to
HAHAHA
still?!?!?!?!
hahaha
yes
it's been a WHILE
he won't quit
hahaha!!!
please let me read!!!!!!!
if you had more time i'd let you read
oh okay!
did u like my hair better short or long
long
really
i like it better short
i like it curly
so you can pull it/
?
yes
pull it straight
when would u pull it?, what would we have to be doing?
omg. you are still in high school.
hahahahaha
im just wondering why you would pull it
maybe because i want to and nothing else.
o ok
i know you'd rather me say because we'd be naked and sweaty and you'd cum all over my face and i would yelp after you tore my vagina open....but that's not why.
well i wouldnt be aroused if you were that fuckin graffic
hahaha
now i know what i need to do to keep some distance
you motherfucker
you love it.
maybe
i like a challenge
12:45 AM
we all do
let me be honest with you
by all means, go ahead.
if we hung out ofcourse i would try to sleep with you but i would be much more suave and mature about it
making you think otherwise of me
i know josh. i see right through you.
but if i were more mature about it, what would you think
well it's my turn to be honest now
ok
sex with just anyone is really boring for me. so you can tell me you've matured and all that shit but i know those are ways to get my heart a little more inclined to the thought of you inside of me. i don't care what your excuse is as to why i should want to...it really comes down to me asking myself "is it worth it? or am i going to be bored with yet *another* situation?"
you probably think it's easy to satisfy me, but that's my biggest problem in life. when it comes to meaningless sex, i'm insatiable.
.liike bored in bed?
like bored with people
o i c
it's really, really awful of me
well i think you and i both know that if we hung out and had sex that would be once and we wouldnt see eachother for a long long time again, if ever
yeah, so why do it?
so you wouldnt have to deal with another situ
cuz itd be fun if we were drunk, duh
itd feel good and shit
can't you honesly find someone else to do that with? that's not fun for me. call me crazy,
you're a good looking guy. you should have no problem finding someone who will do that with you.
i know but the girl who want to are fuckin boring and mundane, like i dont just leafve right after sex, i like to have a cigarette and talk, trying to keep our minds off of what justh appened, just being people naf talking
12:55 AM
i don't understand why you need to keep your mind off it afterwards. that's not weird to you?
you dont need to, its just nice to be two people instead of two fuckers and fuckees
The other person, or their software, refused the request.
did u like my hair better short or long
long
really
i like it better short
i like it curly
so you can pull it/
?
yes
pull it straight
when would u pull it?, what would we have to be doing?
omg. you are still in high school.
hahahahaha
im just wondering why you would pull it
maybe because i want to and nothing else.
o ok
i know you'd rather me say because we'd be naked and sweaty and you'd cum all over my face and i would yelp after you tore my vagina open....but that's not why.
well i wouldnt be aroused if you were that fuckin graffic
hahaha
now i know what i need to do to keep some distance
you motherfucker
you love it.
maybe
i like a challenge
12:45 AM
we all do
HAHAHAAHAHAH. HAHAHAHAAHAH
i am laughing
let me be honest with you
by all means, go ahead.
if we hung out ofcourse i would try to sleep with you but i would be much more suave and mature about it
making you think otherwise of me
i know josh. i see right through you.
but if i were more mature about it, what would you think
well it's my turn to be honest now
ok
sex with just anyone is really boring for me. so you can tell me you've matured and all that shit but i know those are ways to get my heart a little more inclined to the thought of you inside of me. i don't care what your excuse is as to why i should want to...it really comes down to me asking myself "is it worth it? or am i going to be bored with yet *another* situation?"
you probably think it's easy to satisfy me, but that's my biggest problem in life. when it comes to meaningless sex, i'm insatiable.
.liike bored in bed?
like bored with people
o i c
it's really, really awful of me
well i think you and i both know that if we hung out and had sex that would be once and we wouldnt see eachother for a long long time again, if ever
yeah, so why do it?
so you wouldnt have to deal with another situ
cuz itd be fun if we were drunk, duh
itd feel good and shit
can't you honesly find someone else to do that with? that's not fun for me. call me crazy,
you're a good looking guy. you should have no problem finding someone who will do that with you.
i know but the girl who want to are fuckin boring and mundane, like i dont just leafve right after sex, i like to have a cigarette and talk, trying to keep our minds off of what justh appened, just being people naf talking
12:55 AM
i don't understand why you need to keep your mind off it afterwards. that's not weird to you?
you dont need to, its just nice to be two people instead of two fuckers and fuckees
ya know
1:00 AM
this is the most awful thing i've ever seen
yes
i can't believe him
but it's like a car wreck, i cannot look away
hahaha good way of putting it
that's all so far.
i hate him
but he's hot. tis a shame.
i think i like th part where your vagina tears
hahahahha!
yeah and then i like how he spelled graphic like traffic but with a "g"
smart boy. can't wait for those "intelligent conversations"
jackass.
that's nothing compared to
like i dont just leafve right after sex, i like to have a cigarette and talk,
HAHAHAHA
i'm writing an email to god right now. the first like goes a little something like this: "is this honestly my life, god?"
*line
1:05 AM
HAHAHAHAA.
hahahahaahahahaa.hahaha
and then when i press "send" i get some awful message from "mailerdaemon" saying the email didn't go through, and then elvis "return to sender" comes on and i crush my own skull.
you should channel this to god
i mean
josh
god why did i say that
just talk to josh like he's god
just pretend josh is god
and you stumbled across him
no wait
let me do it
hahahahahahaha!
okay
gimme his screenname
gnomevocals
how i'll begin:
...lord?
LOL!
did i tell you my mother is setting me up with a 31 year old?
wow..i really do need to write that email to the lord.
Olvidariana (1:08:23 AM): ...Lord?
Olvidariana (1:08:32 AM): is that you, Lord?
GnomeVocals (1:08:37 AM): hello
HAHAHA!
GnomeVocals (1:08:42 AM): whos this
Olvidariana (1:08:43 AM): OH MY GOD!
Olvidariana (1:08:46 AM): OH MY YOU!
hahahaha
Olvidariana (1:09:19 AM): oh my gosh. where to begin. well, my name is elder james
GnomeVocals (1:09:36 AM): what the fuck
hahahahahha
let
s
1:10 AM
just get married
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS
please tell me
okay
wait till the end
it's priceless
GnomeVocals (1:10:03 AM): my name is josh leon, how did you get my screen name
Olvidariana (1:10:31 AM): oh. oh my.
Olvidariana (1:10:32 AM): i'm sorry.
it always is
HAHAHAHA
Olvidariana (1:10:37 AM): i was horribly mistaken.
Olvidariana (1:10:41 AM): and disappointed, i must say.
Olvidariana (1:10:47 AM): i'm sorry for troubling you.
drum roll:
GnomeVocals (1:10:50 AM): damn i thought u were a chick lookin for me
!!!!!
:combusts:
goodnight meggie.
....aaaaand i'm spent.
goodnight.
its been great.
thank baby jesus for that one.
Ariana has gone offline.
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Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
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(f.y.i.) "...it takes about 30,000 words to carry on full length conversations..."
i was supposed to be asleep two hours ago. i studied italian for 6 hours and still my eyes and brain won't give. i thought of every way to play out time. i'm too enamoured with thoughts and a specific friend who is far from here. iuwejnskjnjksfns;n. <-----i love that feeling. it's been awhile since i've felt that. "i need you so much closer". a great lyric for a current want. i'm so ridiculous for looking forward to my italian exam tomorrow. i guess i imagine it as getting one step closer to the bigger picture of things. i've been budgeting out my future in my head. part of that budgeting involves actual money, but most of it involves that lousy little heart of mine that's already racing at the thought of bari and claudio's music. i have one of the pictures he gave me set as my wallpaper and everytime i look at it i think of how i'll be able to touch that rock, or feel that water...
"the season changes and the wind blows too. and suddenly i find i am in love with you."
don't ever reject a phonecall from a person 6 years and 9 hours ahead of you. they will slap you in the face with a new definition of "amusement" and you'll wonder if they've ever seen a bad day, or if they really know what it's like to be unimpressive. how do they wake up at nine, call me 2 minutes after all their dreams, sing me songs while i get ready for school, and then manage to shrug their shoulders when one may ask, "how did you become so goddamn talented?" it doesn't seem right by definition.
i'm beginning to walk around these days and think in italiano. i don't look down a "via" and think "street". i don't think of "numeros" as numbers. i can't fill out paperwork and put down my number (numero telefono) without thinking in my head..."cinquantuno zero sessantasei settantasette due". it's really beautiful (bellisima) to notice the change in things. it feels like autumn (autunno) to me already. i always have this certain energy to me in the fall. i feel it already, and everything seems possible. it's exhilarating to remind myself how well i heal and how quickly i move on. you think you know what fun is until you move past that fun and let time shed a new light on the meaning. chitarra lezione is going well. i'm learning about technique. mi profesore e well beyond talented. my english profesore adores my writing and is writing me a letter of recommendation tomorrow. it's wonderful to be in school and to start everyday and end everyday with a purpose. i have so, so, so much good in my life. eating healthy, exercising, and getting a massage every week definately adds to that as well.
"everything in it's right place".
yes, yes that's it.
"i've seen my best days. i know you've seen them too." <-----..those days are expected to begin in dicembre/gennaio.
arrivederci!
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, August 10th, 2006
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♥Christopher and ♥Meggie | - May one day adopt less than zero super-girls.
- Like to play all kinds of games in private.
- Together forever whatever the weather.
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♥Jocelyn and ♥Meggie | - Will adopt some identical girls.
- Are aspiring to slow dance on Saturdays.
- Endure the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune.
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♥Colin and ♥Meggie | - Are rumoured to have conceived one happy child.
- Like to do just anything, it would seem.
- Love love.
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♥Meggers and ♥Meggie | - May one day conceive three super-kids.
- Like to cite romantic precedent periodically.
- Believe in attraction at first sight.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
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today was a bad-day-turned-exceptional. i registered for some of my classes and went to the beach to swim beyond the waves. i went at high tide and layed out on the sand to watch the sun set. i did a lot of thinking by myself and really defined lonliness. i dug my feet in the sand,slurped watermelon, and rested my head on jocie's tummy and closed my eyes. i guess my head was at high tide just as much as any other ocean i've ever seen before. the moon was out tonight and full. it reflected on the water and made me wonder what i was missing down below. turns out, i'm missing quite a lot. but i'm going to try to keep myself above water for awhile, because frankly i'm tired of having the air-to-lung capacity that i have. nothing is worse than suffocating yourself simply for the challenge and coming up to the surface with burning lungs, thinking, "what did i do that for?"
funny how i never have a good enough answer for that question-other than, "because i wanted to" or "because i can". those answers get me in a lot of trouble.
that's my story, and i'm stickin' to it.
(i'm chopping my hair off tomorrow at 10:30am)
"Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one"
"When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because (it) brings me back you..."
"So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn"
"Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya"
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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i've stayed in everynight so far. each night it gets a little bit easier to look outside the window and know i'm missing out on all the noise.
there is however something that hasn't gotten easier. if anything, it's only progressed uphill with silent dissatisfaction. it is the effect of seeing something so beautifully placed, and so theoretically unattainable.
i've listened to the same song on repeat for too many consecutive nights. it doesn't get old to me, but it sure pulls me down to thought, which gets me to this place of feeling unreachable and somewhat hopeless. i understand now how easily a thought can come wrap itself around the curves of my brain, but remain jagged and stubborn after logic steps in to explain the impossibility of bringing life to that thought. i do not enjoy this feeling because it starts by fusing in my brain, but tests the strength of my stomach and breaks the pattern of a heart that already contracts too slow. it started out fun, then it hurt.
i hate hearing a ticking sound and surrendering to a clock that promises me closure. there's no way to beat a clock no matter how clever you are. i am only human. and we-well, we can't dodge expiration dates.
so what do we do?
someone has yet to answer that question for me...and maybe the rest of the 6 billion lives that flail around everyday, just like me.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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| You Are Rain | 
You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.
Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you.
You are best known for: your touch
Your dominant state: changing |
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Find your own pose!
(The one on the right is me. This is disgustingly right on.)
The Secret Language of Sleep:
A Couple's Guide to the Thirty-Nine Positions
Excalibur Traits and Tendencies Excalibur couples may battle just as much as other couples (and participate in more than their fair share of public huffs), but they look so good together, it outweighs any other deficiencies they may share. It isn't that they're classically good-looking, or similarly sized (though certainly both those pairings are permissible). It's more that the aesthetic chord they strike satisfies in profound ways. Like gorgeously plated food or song filled with unusual harmonies, the wan and freckled hand-in-hand with the tragically tan, the pigeon-toed with the duck-walkers, these Excalibur couples achieve such perfection in their pairing that reminds the world that anything is possible.
Comfort Zone Excalibur is in the Wind pose family. Other Wind poses you might enjoy include Softserve Swirl and The Ventriloquist.
Health Note An unexpected rash or orthopedic adjustment can sometimes lead an Excalibur couple to fall out of balance. Physical adjustments may need to be made, or an entirely new pose could even be in order.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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I'm trying to make something of my thoughts. I rarely write. I miss singing and performing more than I miss my dad. I'd love how to learn how to paint. I wonder what Dustin paints. I wonder how he writes. His penmanship is jokingly terrible. I lose money with the job I have. I love Dustin more than my oldest pair of blue jeans. No one ever says blue jeans anymore. I found a singer/songwriter that's wonderful. I have a friend going into a recording studio very, very soon. I'm proud of him. Ariana is probably home from Hurricane Harbor..er.. New Orleans. My cat won't stop whining and I haven't taken my contacts out in a very long time. Something must be done. I'm out of line. My car has a lisp and lisps on four wheels. My sister is a devil child and I am the only disciplinary figure in her life. I hate it. The bad guy. The poor asshole with a car who can't speak clearly. What happenend to the days when I avoided flat tires, and off pitch singing? I'm okay. Not sad. Just not sure of much. But I always have Bon Jovi to give me the daily does of confidence I frequently need.
it's my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's now or never!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i ain't gonna live forever!!!!!!!!!!
i'd remove all my limbs to get that douchebag off this planet.
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Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
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| Time: | 8:40 am. |
| Mood: | not sure. |
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List 15 things that bring you joy and tag six friends to do the same.
In no particular order:
1. Suavitel fabric softener
2. Relief
3. Complements
4. Improvement/progress
5. Music
5. Whole Foods
6. Company
7. Red Wine
8. Comedy
9. Fruit
10. Crushes (the ones that don't actually crush you)
11. Watching a heated debate
12. Coffee on rare occassions
13. Travel
14. Feeling beautiful (it's rare these days and i'm not sure why)
15. Going to The Guitar Center and falling in love with a $600 guitar that should be mine.
TAG: Lindsay, Ariana, Kyle, Woody, Marja, Christine
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Sunday, August 28th, 2005
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i just realized that's it's been quite some time since i've updated this. i write in other places now.
www.myspace.com
username: AsleepyKisser
all my thoughts and storyboards are right there. where they don't belong.
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myspace is down. it's not mine...right now. i'm eating spaghetti with fetta and noticing how fetta doesn't like to melt like all the other cheeses. i'm also deciding that i don't want to say "cheeses". i would much rather call it "chise". fish will not be fishes. they will be fizahs. like shiza, except not. i look to my right and see a guitar. hmmm...an eyebrow raises. and then i click onto itunes and play "she's a jar" by wilco and that little right eyebrow of mine goes "whoooo(insert big fatty crescendo right here)ooooooooo (decrescendo) ooooooo". and we're down. i think i'll burn another cd for jon. hmm...what would he like? i think he liked the first one i made him. i don't know if he reads this. maybe i should speak to him incase he has accidentally clicked on this thing. maybe he cares. doubt it. spaghetti is gone. anyway, jon- you shall be seeing more of those little silver discs that go round and round and round. ummm...i'm skipping topics like i once skipped upon rocks in northern california. i remember it was cloudy and by the beach. there was a national forest. redwoods. yum. and there was a creek. and i used periods whenever i damn well pleased. still do. who cares. periods mean i'm ending thoughts. or just beginning. haha. i had a cool teacher in 8th grade who told the class that we used too many commas. she was never talking to me, though. i was always perfect. still am. haha, no. to prove that i'm not serious about that, i have arranged a little something. a little diddy, if you will.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
and that right there, is imperfection. i'm wired and not sure i know what's going on. you know what...i do. i know why i'm doing this. it's because i'm going insane and i'm afraid to say it to the person that made me this way. well it was two people. someone else...and then myself. no, no. it was myself and then another person. and even though i'm supposed to say someone else before i mention myself (because of english rules and shit) i choose to say it in that order because i would much rather pinpoint this problem the honest way, rather than the proper. i don't care about sentence structure. or any stuc.
ture-for, that! matter~~~? i just keep typing. whatever fills my brain at the moment. i just thought of a jelly-filled donut. raspberry. and now i fill ill. i think i should have sipped less lemonade than i did. i did? i sipped it? i worked tonight? ah, yes i worked tonight. i'm not intoxicated. i'm just hurting in the head area. must be all that smart thinking that goes on in the folds of my brain. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA. what am i saying?? i'm one of the stupidest girls i know. no, i'm one of the smarted (street smart) girls i know. book smart. meh, i hear girls aren't very book smart. no actually, i just said that because sometimes i like to make fun of my own gender, just because i feel that i should have the right to keep things not so um....serious! i really would like a ballpoint pen. a blue one that i don't lose. one that could always stay in my wallet. next to the checkbook that i so seldomly need to use because i have a check card that's been so often used for coffee, and gasoline, and sandwiches, and motels in san francisco. god, that was fun. too many bums. all so beautiful. i made it a point to talk to every bum i walked up to. one was absolutely beautiful. i bumped into him twice. i gave another one a cigarette of rachaels. then another three went to a bum who gave me two irises. he told me "heroin is not pretty" and proceeded to slap his ass. HA! it was so great. rachael and i drank a whole bottle of champagne and then walked to Pizza Orgasmica for the best pizza we've ever had. we walked down to the water. a man told us about rob scheider. another man played the guitar. i sang. we went to china town. house of nanking. yum. we drove around and i worried about another possible human. what the hell??? we drank lychee juice and ate good thai/indian food. we bough lots and lots of pocky. yum. now im back to smelling like espresso and tired thoughts. i can't believe the speed and the activity of my brain right now. it's so great to run on and on and feel no one will read this. but i did it for me. and only me and i can't help but wonder if i'm ever going to have another chance at something new but experienced at the same time. i use my teasing tools. and i suck at pool...hahahahahahahahaha. i can't believe how much i suck. holy fuck. JANE SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS! yes, yes, yes.........YEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!! i need to light a candle, some incense, take out my contacts, and wake up in the morning to go pick up my ROCKIN' glasses. i really can't believe the uncertainty of my future. i'm not talking about within the next few years. i'm really talking about the next couple of days. that's how disgustingly unclear everything is to me. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. i should just fuck. fuck. until i feel. fuck it all. fuck! what am i saying? i should watch "is a woman". hahahahaha dude. that video makes me feel exactly how i should feel. JAAAAAAAAAANE SAYS.
yes, yes. and i'm done. good. nyte.
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| Time: | 12:42 am. |
| Mood: |  nervous. |
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I got tagged by inaudibleman
Instructions:
List five songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog along with your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.
1.Out of Habit- Ani Difranco
2.The State I Am In- Belle & Sebastian
3.We've Only Just Begun- The Carpenters
4.Put the Book Back on the Shelf- Belle & Sebastian
5.Adam & Eve- Ani Difranco
uh...i just got off work and i'm too tired to play tag. come to me and i'll tag you.
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i'm not sure why i'm writing in this journal. i don't have much to say right now. so it's best that i don't.
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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
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I lie in an early bed, thinking late thoughts
Waiting for the black to replace my blue
I do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught
But daddy longlegs, I feel that I'm finally growing weary
Of waiting to be consumed by you
Give me the first taste, let it begin heaven cannot wait
Forever
Darling, just start the chase -- I'll let you win but you must
Make the endeavor
Oh, your love give me a heart contusion
Adagio breezes fill my skin with sudden red
Your hungry flirt borders intrusion
I'm building memories on things we have not said
Full is not heavy as empty, not nearly my love, not nearly my love, not nearly
Give me the first taste, let it begin heaven cannot wait
Forever
Darling, just start the chase -- I'll let you win, but you must
Make the endeavor
I could have swore she JUST wrote this song...JUST wrote it for me. Oh, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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1. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said 'I love you' and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced 52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theatre
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honour of a woman.
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice.
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119 is gone, too...
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favourite childhood toy
128. Followed your favourite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100mph or faster?
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing...I sure do love sleep gels 163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach.
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested
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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
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period. we all envy the period at the end of a book. Either because it stopped whatever was bubbling in us, or it put an end to absolutely nothing. As I write, I understand every word. But do you? Half the time I feel misinterpreted. I should sing along with Pink. Apparently, she's mizundastood. Do you understand this? "I get what you're saying." Period. And all is well. but is it really? question mark. Another amazing squiggle AND period. This guy's got the best of both worlds. this guy can get somewhere with a person, or maybe get you nowhere at all. and then what! exclamation point. or rather !!!!! Yet again, still keeping the period at it's base. Funny how one vertical line can make or break dialogue from any given person. heh. or...HEH! And what's with those Hispanics?? What makes them so goddamn proud? they get those blasted exclamation points at both ends of a sentence. yeah, a sentence hopped up on methanphetamines and corn tortillas.
! I'm so racist !
god, i'm so depressed. hahahaha! no i'm not! i was just convinced i could say that with honesty. i have an aching head. cheese pizza and a glass of wine will do that to a girl, you know.
"ITS BEEN A BAD DAY. PLEASE DONT TAKE A PICTURE." or so i hear.
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Saturday, November 20th, 2004
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something disturbed me. I just can't remember what it was. on a better note: I love David Sedaris! and I think I may love London soon. I had a scary dream that I lost everything to a boy. well, a man. it would have been a hot story, except for the fact that it was all too real. now it's just mortifying. but i'm not growing any extra skin on my stomach. well, at least not because of motherhood. Lime Tangerine soda on ice. I want to write a book very badly! skip skip skip. i like marja. i'll never come out and say it because then i won't mean it. but as long as it's been inaudibly heard, it's said or written with conviction.
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Monday, November 15th, 2004
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| Time: | 3:44 pm. |
| Mood: |  rejuvenated. |
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i'm watching a movie that's playing tricks with my mind. can't quite make out the tricks. i could say that it's constantly guessing my card. the suit. the number. but no one has guessed my suit. and i'm not even sure i know my own number. i've never run over a boy. i've never scratched myself with fish hooks. and i hope that he does. "i was glad that i had a pain." oh god. come on. they're in a motel. he's slick. weeeeeeeeeeeeee. his tattoo is so hot. DIMPLES. The clown scene was beautiful. hahahahahaha. why are they holding eachother like that in an alley lane? i like it. too much. this smile won't budge. i'll just go and learn how to miss you. my words exactly. and he dances. you must see this. immediately. now.you ever feel like your friends aren't good for you? or you're not good for them? i have to quit this commentary. it's eating my singlehood.
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queen_of_fault's journal
amused.
ianiceboy
shocked.
discontent.
sleepy.
blah.
hungry.
full.
weird.